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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Birth Plans...?

There are a lot of nutjobs out there. I can appreciate that women want a certain experience, - so do I, but come on people, walking into a L&D unit with a ten-page birth plan that includes the scent of the candles that must be burned and that your hubby is to be addressed as "Daddy" is totally insane. So is presenting the nurses with a birth plan that indicates "under no circumstance will I be given ANY drugs, placed on ANY sort of monitors or be forced into a C-Section".

Here's mine:

FIRST AND FOREMOST: Keep Lentil and Mummie ALIVE, with beating hearts and detectable pulses.

I have heard stories about labour and delivery and have heard from more than one nurse and even one doctor that it is not like the "Baby Channel." I get that, therefore...

- I will definitely need music. We will make sure to load up my iPod with the likes of Journey, Survivor, Police, Toto, Sting, Foreigner and stuff like that. Please, do NOT allow Mr. M to play any of his heavy, Black, White, Norwegian or Death Metal. If you allow this to happen, his throttling death will be on your hands. Likewise, I will make sure no Techno, Trance, Salsa, Merengue, Hip Hop or R&B make it onto my I'm sure he will pass out.

- I am open to drugs of any sort. This includes IVs, epidurals, pills and anything else you have available. But PLEASE wait until I am SCREAMING for them.

-I am interested in moving around and feeling my limbs during labour, as well as making use of Mr. M's massage skills, ability to calm me down, and any other piece of furniture in the room in order to calm any pain.

- Mr. M is not interested in cutting the cord. He is interested in simply remaining conscious.

- I am interested in ATTEMPTING to go natural. By this, I mean, I would like to attempt to not utilize drugs - simply the breathing, relaxation, concentration techniques I will have learned in my many books, classes and through friends. In now way do I intend this to be a steadfast rule, though, should my body OR Lentil not cooperate with my desire to do this, please...see above on drugs.

- I don't want an episiotime but if I need one, feel free.

- I am going to TRY to breastfeed. If I do not feel comfortable, chances are, I will not continue it once I'm home. I'm not wild about the idea of having another being almost permanently attached to my breast. But? I don't know. And if I can't breastfeed for whatever reason, I won't feel as though I failed as a mother.

- I know a few nurses, and they have always said whatever you do, make friends with your nurses. I am cool with that.

- My mother will NOT be in the labour room (or delivery) with us. Neither will my Mother-in-Law...absolutely not a flying chance in hell that she will be in the room with me.

- If any one in the family gets in the way of my nurse and doctor, feel free to order them to leave.

- If anyone speaks up or contradicts my nurses and doctor, please, be my guest, order them to leave.

- If I am in serious labor, ready to push or just in a bad way I want EVERYONE out of my room.(Mr. M and my nurse can stay, and the doctor too if the nurses think he should.)

-If you can help in any way, cool.

-For after labour and delivery, I will most likely want Lentil to sleep in the nursery - Mr. M and I will need those extra couple of nights to get as much sleep as we can before going home.

- And no. We are NOT co-sleeping in any way, shape or form.

-Once everything is said and done with, I will be eternally grateful to the nurses who made my labour and delivery possible.


Shan said...

The only thing I want to add is that if you do want to nurse (your own personal decision) it takes several weeks to really get the hang of it for both you and the baby. The first few days/weeks aren't easy I am not going to lie but there is no sweeter bond and it is worth the hard work for both you & baby should you choose to do it. xoxo
PS. love your birth plan

khw said...

"Mr. M is not interested in cutting the cord. He is interested in simply remaining conscious."

I LOVE this comment!