Alec is growing up!

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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Starting Tomorrow....

...I become an official Working Mum.

50% of the time, I'm excited that I'll be able to use my brain before it turns completely into mush. The other 50% of the time, I'm dreading taking Alec to daycare, and missing out on the many, many milestones he's starting to hit these after another.

Oh - and before I forget - I have an 8-month of yesterday!

A few things have gone down in the past few weeks: we now have a peepee-toucher. He touches himself with glee at every diaper change, and pulls it - HARD. It makes me wonder if he's numb down there. Alec can now say "Dada" very well, thankyouverymuch. Ever so often, he says "Mama", but most of the time, he babbles on and on about "Dada" and "A-dah". I think he's trying to say "a doggie", since he absolutely frigging adores Apollo. He also loves standing on his feet, and 'walking', while we hold his hands. Both Keith and I think he's going to skip crawling, and just start walking at some point - he despises tummy-time with a passion (still), and as soon as you stick him on his tummy, he rolls onto his back. Oh well. I've read in my countless books that crawling is something that so many babies don't do, that the AAP has actually taken it out of the "List of Milestones". I could honestly care less whether or not he crawls. If he does, awesome. If he doesn't, and he just goes into walking or creeping, awesome. One way or the other, as long as he becomes mobile, Keith and I are happy.

I have had an awesome almost-eight months here at home with Alec. I've done my very best to give him the love and bond with him over this time. With the exception of a temp job I took a few months ago that lasted a month, I have spent every waking minute with Alec. I've loved it. There have been happy times, not-so-happy times, and downright stressful times...especially when I realized that I was suffering from post-partum depression.

For those of you in the know, I was also home, not working, since I was about 4 months pregnant. I spent my entire pregnancy doing pregnancy and baby-related research. Even our pediatrician is amazed by what I've learned and everything.

But? It's time for this mummie to go back into the workplace. The timing works out pretty well, also; Alec will go to his daycare (which I LOVE...and he adores!) until June 23rd, until which time Keith will get out on summer holiday, which will be nice for him. He will now witness the milestones Alec hits over the summer, and will be able to tell me all about them when I come home from work. Haha...and he'll also realize that being Mr. Mom isn't the easiest thing in the world.

The saddest part of going back to work is the fact that Alec won't be nursing during the day anymore. I'll have to pump at work at least 3 times a day to maintain my supply, and Alec will nurse at night. I feel as though we've finally gotten to a point in my 'nursing career', that my supply has leveled out some, and we both love nursing. I just hope it stays this way until Alec pushes the boob away.

Alec has also just had his very first cold. Ahhh...milestones. of June 1, 2011, this mummie will be a working mummie. Exciting times, no?

At the very least, I'll be around adults. For so long, I've kind of been a bit a hermit, going out ever so often to meet up with friends, a few of them coming over here - but the majority of the time, I've stayed home alone with Alec and Apollo. Having tried time and time again to get my sister in law involved, I've officially given up. My mother in law has been working for quite some time, and I obviously have no family in the area. Maybe being surrounded by other adults, and using my brain will help me fight this battle that post-partum depression has been. The other plus side to me working, is that we'll be able to put money in savings again. I'd REALLY like to build our home. I mean...really like to. I feel as though the market has yet to bottom out, and we're holding out for something we both really love, at a price we can afford. Or build something that would be the equivalent to the home of our dreams - a home we can call home, the place where our children will be raised, and will come to visit us in after they move out and we're both old and decrepit. Regardless of whether we build or buy, it will be our nest egg for our future, and for our children.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Irrational Fears

Lately, it seems my imagination is running away with me.

It's not as though I've been reading terrible news stories on bad things happening on a daily basis, or anything.

I just think my medication has to be adjusted; or it could be that my post partum depression is morphing into post partum anxiety.

I have these horribly vivid thoughts running through my head about waking up to weird noises on the baby monitor, turning on the video, and seeing hands reaching into the crib...I subsequently run into the nursery to find my baby gone.

The most disturbing of all, though, are the foreboding thoughts of Keith coming home to find me dead or severely injured, and Alec gone.

I'm guessing these are all a part of my depression and/or anxiety, and I plan on addressing them at my next visit with the psychiatrist. The sad part is, I realize I'm not alone with these feelings - countless of other women are in my shoes, some of them worse. I'm lucky that at the very least, I can talk to Keith about these fears. I'm lucky that I'm able to get the help that I need, and the medication to stabilize me. So many women don't have that.

And I'm so very, very lucky that when I wake up in the mornings, Alec is still in his crib.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Dear Mum

In honour of Mother's Day, which is just around the corner, I have decided to devote an entry to Mothers.

Dear Mum:

I know I wasn't the easiest of daughters to have. I know it was pure luck that you didn't kill me and have me for brekkie over and over again while I was a boy-crazy teenager.

I know I was born a teenager, and I never knew what you meant until just recently.

I know that I was too independent, too strong-willed and too much of a know-it-all.

I guess now is my time. I guess now I understand why you did what you did. I understand now why it was so important to be the person you wanted me to be.

Now I am a mother. At times, I am nostalgic for the times when I didn't have a care in the world, and now I realize there is somebody else who depends on me to make the right decisions, to soothe him when he is hurt, to teach him life's valuable lessons and to make sure he keeps his nose out of trouble. For I realize now that this is what you strove to do. You wanted me to be a strong, independent and resourceful woman, somebody who could hold her own regardless of the circumstance and hurdles to overcome.

You taught me respect to myself and towards others. To always put others before me. To work towards the greater good of the community. You taught me that hard work pays off. You taught me the value and importance of a home and family unit, even though most of the time, it was just you and me.

You taught me to always think of the repercussions to my actions - even though I never listened. You taught me consequences for my actions, even though they were not always good. But I learned from them. And those consequences turned me into the strong adult that I am now.

I remember when you probably stayed up all night worried about me because I failed to come home or call. I remember your disappointment in me when I turned into the boy-crazy teenager I was. I know I was a tough teenager, and I can only hope my children don't put me through that torture one day, although they probably will.

I am 30 years old, and a mother now. I understand now your decisions to be strong with me, for I want to be strong with my children. I want them to grow up to be morally and ethically strong individuals with their own opinions, respect for themselves and others, and a thirst for knowledge; the way you did with me.

I love you, mum, for you raised me to be the way that I am.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Decisions are a part of life. As adults, we must make decisions that could potentially make or break the present or the future. As parents, this responsibility is even harder, as our decisions now could have repercussions years and decades from now.

Of course, there are times that Life itself makes decisions for you. Like this:

Keith and I obviously weren't planning for this, but, it happened, and I'd say we've dealt beautifully.

I think our first joint decision was when we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Throughout my pregnancy, we dealt with people telling us that we were crazy for not finding out, how could we not know, or the accusations of not wanting to be prepared.

We were prepared. Boy, were we prepared. We don't particularly believe in gender roles, or gender-specific items. We both agreed that boy or girl, we would try to keep the larger items neutral for future children. We both agreed that Lentil's (what we called the Alec while he was in my tummy) room would be a nice, sunny yellow. Prepared to us did not mean picking out pink or blue clothing or bedding sets that were gender-specific that weren't going to be used anyway. We did all of our research that we needed. We toured the hospital's labour and delivery unit. We prepared financially....well, somewhat - to an extent. We prepared ourselves, as individuals and as a team, to be just that - a team...a unit.

This first decision that we made had a great payoff in the end. When I delivered Alec, the OB asked Keith to look at the baby and to announce the sex. That's when Keith said, "I see balls!"

So it began. Our decisions at times were easy. Others...not so much. Like choosing our pediatrician. We met with only one, and liked him right off the bat. So far so good. He gives advice that not only is sound, but is in line with our parenting approach.

The hardest decision we've had to make so far, is in regard to sleep. It's been a rough road, this sleep-training thing. Alec is now sleeping far better than he used to, but we still hit bumps. When we talked about how we wanted to go about training him, we both agreed we didn't want to just 'let him cry'. But yet we both needed sleep. We knew the habits that we create and enforce from now on will have a bearing on Alec for the rest of his life.

We know that the toughest decisions lie ahead. We obviously want what's best for us as individuals, as a couple, as a family. We obviously want Alec and any other kids we may have, to grow up into human beings with a sense of community, morals and ethics, with respect towards themselves and others.

I look around myself, and I see examples of what sort of child I want to raise, as well as examples of the sort of child I definitely do not want to raise. I have absolute faith in our ability to parent to the best of our abilities...

...and sometimes, that's the best one can do. But for the time being, I pride myself (and Keith) on succeeding at creating a good sleeper.