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Wednesday, September 8, 2010


The Lists that I have been so proud of myself for keeping are beginning to drive me insane. When I think of something that needs doing, I put it on the list. The funny thing is, why don't I just go do it...right then and there? Wouldn't this kill the need for lists?

Not so.

Up until a few weeks ago, I refused to keep a list. If something needed doing, I just did it, no ifs ands or buts. Unless, of course, it involved something toxic to Lentil, or doing it outside in the extreme heat we've had in our neck of the woods this summer. Mr. M came home once to find me curled up in bed crying because I was so tired of being stuck inside in the air conditioning. I'm seriously done with this heat.

Ahh. Hold on. This is yet another bone I must pick with society in general. People seem to think that a pregnant belly is public property, and therefore must touch it. Do NOT touch my tummy unless I know you, and have given you permission. The only exception is if I broke this golden rule myself and touched your tummy without permission. I also have a HUGE problem with negative and pessimistic people who have begun telling me how horrible this last stretch of pregnancy (no pun intended) is going to be. Sample conversation:

Person: "So, Mrs. M, how are you feeling these days?"

Mrs. M: "Thanks, I feel great. Asides from the random heartburn, I can't complain. Take away the humidity, and I'd be outside in a jiffy."

Person: "Wow, just wait. You'll get to a point that you can't wait any longer to have this baby, and you'll start feeling fat and hot and miserable."

First off, who the hell said that pregnancy has to be one big dosage of Misery? I'm sorry if I offend you, but I have fully ENJOYED my pregnancy. First trimestre was tough with the lethal flatulence, peeing all the time and exhaustion. Second trimestre was great. Third trimestre is great, as well. Yes, I STILL have the same lethal flatulence. The heartburn can get really painful and annoying at times. I swell up a bit when it's humid outside. I forget almost everything. tummy is really big (although from what I've heard, it could be bigger!). I never even once got nauseated. Ok. I take that back; when I'm hungry, I get a little nauseated. But - I never threw up. Lentil has NEVER tortured me to the point that I'm sick. Lentil likes to retaliate for something he/she didn't like by giving me heartburn.

So. The moral of the story? I LOVE being pregnant. I can't bloody wait to do it again**.

**DISCLAIMER: Give us a few years, though. We want to be in a home we own, instead of rent, before we have Number Two.

So, people, please...kindly...I beg stop telling me how much I'm going to suffer these last few weeks. Let me enjoy them. Let me bask in my happiness. I adore the little life growing inside of me who happens to be stealing my food, my nutrients, and also...making the moons in my toenails pink. This little life who loves to stretch out and kick/punch in the middle of the night - startling me into consciousness. I wouldn't trade this for the world.

Also. While I'm complaining about negative and pessimistic comments. Please stop telling me that I "won't be able to take the pain of labour". I don't know about you, and I don't know how painful it is (obviously), but I do know that I have a crapload of confidence in my ability to do anything I put my mind to. Don't forget, we have that Big Surprise of finding out if Lentil is a girl or a boy at the end of it all. For me, there will be a double light at the end of the tunnel. No, I'm not kidding myself into thinking that the pain will be non-existent. I know it will be painful. But to some it's tolerable, and to others, it was unbearable. But I plan on delivering Lentil without painkillers, and hopefully without a single 'medical intervention'. Mr. M and I have been preparing for this for a looong time. So please don't tell me I'm naive and going into this unprepared and all that. It's truly offensive.

While I'm on this tirade. STOP telling me that I don't know human suffering until I have a newborn. STOP telling me to sleep now because I won't sleep for 16 years once Lentil is here. STOP making yourself sound as though motherhood was the worst thing that happened to you. I obviously realize that newborns will be hard work. Motherhood is hard work. But I also realize that your situation is what you make of it. And to those who didn't sleep for 16 years? That sounds like a bloody personal problem. If parenthood were so physically demanding, the human race would have died out centuries ago. At the very least, we are so lucky to be parents in this day and age - with the advent of safety technology, medical science on our side and the internet; have all made parenting a lot easier, than let's say, for our parents. Babies and children haven't changed much in the last few generations - but what we know about them has changed.

I'm not expecting parenthood to be puppies and rainbows. If it turns out that we have an easy baby/child, then so be it, and we will count our blessings. But if we have a tough baby, we sure as hell won't be cursing the day I peed on a stick. We know that life will be full of ups and downs, difficulties and others. We don't need it permanently inked on our foreheads.

I guess the point of this entire post is: stop being a bloody pessimist! I can't stand being around people like that - and Mr. M is quickly becoming weary of them himself...and we all know he has the patience of a saint.

Life is what you make of it. Don't underestimate the power of personal choice. Knowledge is power. This is why I do all the research I can get my hands on. This is why I have written a simple, short and sweet birth plan for my doctors and nurses. This is why Mr. M and I have decided to do things OUR way. We have done the research, read the books. We take what we want, and mix it all together. Will we make mistakes? Hell yes. Plenty of them. But mistakes are meant to be learned from, and if we don't make them, how will we learn? Let us embark of this journey and adventure called parenthood as a unit, as a couple...suggestions will be welcomed, weighed, thought of. If we like it, we will try it out. If not, don't be offended.

Also. NOBODY other than Mr. M, the doctors and nursing staff at the hospital are to be allowed in our hospital room before I deliver Lentil. This will be OUR moment. We want it to stay that way. And please don't be offended should we wait a few hours to allow visitors once Lentil arrives. Let us have that bonding time as parents.

1 comment:

Claudia said...

great rant :) I felt mostly the same way before Lucia was born. People kept telling me:
-you won't be able to stand it the last month of pregnancy!
-you'll be huge and miserable
-you won't be able to handle the pain of labor without pain meds

Here's what I learned, I DID love pregnancy, execept for the HEARTBURN that almost killed me. I WAS miserable at the end, BUT only at the very very end, like the last week. And I was only miserable at night because I had really bad sciatic pain. I loved it anyway!

You WILL be able to handle the pain of labor, duh of course you can. Many of my friends who got epidurals told me the pain was IMPOSSIBLE that I would die without an epidural and all that good stuff. Well here's the thing, most of those friends (I found out later) got the epidural at like 3 cm dilated, or after 3 hours of really "bad" pain and that's what they considered "excrutiating" and untolerable. I can't say I didn't do it without pain meds, because at 9 1/2 centimeters dilated I caved in and got an epidural. Why? Because I had labored for over 12 hours at home and had taken all the pain I wanted to take at that point, and because it got EXCRUTATING at that point and I turned into a an anxious crying mess!
My water hadn't broken btw so the doctor had to break it for me, and warned me that all hell would break loose. Well I was already a crazy woman because I had gone so far w/out pain meds, and as soon as she broke my water, I thought the world was ending. I begged for the epidural like a big baby and had the baby not 30 minutes later! So the moral of the story is, you CAN do it w/out pain meds because I basically did, until the end. And had I know the baby would have been born so soon after I had my water broken I would NOT have gotten the epidural. Though it only numbed 1/2 my body btw!

So, all those women who told me "you can't handle the pain" it'll be terrible, they were wrong because they only "handled" probably 1/4 of the pain I felt since they didn't even get that far in their labor w/out an epidural! I mean I'm pretty sure I felt WAY more pain than my one friend who got the epidural at like 3 cm dilated. I lasted until 9 1/2 and ALMOST did it w/out pain meds and you can TOTALLY do it, just don't go crazy like I did!

And finally what I learned was, yes you won't sleep the same again, but who cares? you have a beautiful baby to stare at all day :)

Good luck and I can't wait to hear about your labor!