Time is definitely flying in our house. It seems as though just yesterday, we brought Alec home from the hospital and were doing our best to adapt, learn and deal with our new lifestyle as parents. One of my best friends just had baby almost three weeks ago, and even though she's larger than Alec was at this age, it's still hard to imagine him being so tiny! I mean, he's such a chunker, that his arms and legs are jam-packed with rolls!
I do think that we need to put a screeching halt to the clock. Alec is now eating solids; replacing a meal or two of breastmilk or formula with 'big-boy' food. This entirely still depends on his mood and temperament, since if his teeth are bothering him, he's too hungry or too tired, he will just sit in his highchair and scream. We're still at the point, though, where we're not pushing the solids. If he wants to eat, he eats - if he doesn't, he doesn't. Sometimes, he just wants to nurse, nurse, nurse. He's quite capable of munching on me for hours on end...especially when he just wants to be soothed.
Speaking of which, we all know that he's had this one tooth trying to come in for about four months. The damn thing receded into his gums again! For a long time, we could see a little white spot on his gum...but now, no more! Oh well. It will probably sprout completely overnight one of these nights. Not too worried.
Anyway, more to come in the next few days....there's a lot of stuff I want to write about, and pictures to post....I need a few hours to get this done!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Random musings
Alec has been growing like a weed these days, and is getting so chunky, I can barely believe that he was born so small. I mean, his thighs? They're thunder thighs! MASSIVE. I swear.to.God. He's just all around a chunky little chunker. At his 6-month check-up, he was 25 inches long (he was 25" at his 4-month), 15 lbs and 12 oz. The pediatrician was delighted at how happy Alec seemed, and said he was going to be a politician. Ummm, I'm not sure about that.
The pediatrician also gave the green light for solid foods of a more 'big people' nature, as well as to start replacing meals little by little. This means Alec gets nursed in the morning, then I take Apollo out. After that, I stick Alec into the highchair, stick a bib on him (actually, I think I need a full-body one for myself, too), and give him 'brekkie'. Mainly, it's mommy-milk (breastmilk for the uninitiated) that I've frozen into 1/2 ounce cubes; mixed with a little bit of cereal, and a pouch or jar of some sort of fruit. He loves bananas, mangos, apples, prunes and blueberries so far.
Dinner-time is his dinner. While Keith and I eat dinner, we give Alec some 'big people' food. This is the meal that's replaced a nursing. He LOVES Earth's Best chicken apple compote. He does NOT like beef with spinach (it's nasty). He absolutely loves the turkey cranberry made by Earth's Best. I think I'm going to try to just mixing some stuff.
We've tried keeping busy. My temp job is over with, as the trial started and there's nothing for me to do at this point. I loved it. I wish they would have offered me something permanent - but, unfortunately, there was no work for me. So, Alec and I try to stay busy. One day a week, we go to the library for story time, and Alec loves watching all the big kids play, and playing with whatever I hand him. He's so quiet and pensive sometimes. Other days, we try to have playdates with friends I've made who have babies around his age.
Speaking of babies his age, regardless of his chunks, Alec is so small! I look at my friends' babies who are his age, and they are huge compared to Smallness!
And speaking of babies, one of my best friends just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and I can't wait to meet her!
We decided it was time to begin sleep training Alec. He was beginning to wake up 5 times a night, and Keith and I were zombies. So, after a gigantic amount of research, we decided to do Dr. Ferber's method of progressive waiting. Let.me.tell.you. AMAZING. This man is amazing. The first few nights were horrendous. I mean, listening to your child crying at 3am while you sit there and count the minutes since you last went in to check on him? Heartwrenching. Keith could barely take it.
So Alec is now falling asleep by his very own self without being nursed to sleep. I nurse him, Keith tops him off with a bottle, and we change his diaper, and off to bed we go. He's drowsy, but awake. He knows his surroundings are changing. He will wake up about 7 hours later to eat again, so we feed him. The next few wakings are for about 3 to 5 minutes, and he manages to calm himself and fall back asleep. I'm so proud of him, and of ourselves for having the strength and determination to do it.
Oh. And he is sleeping in his crib, in his nursery now. I miss having my Smallness in the bassinet next to me at night, but we all get so much sleep.
The pediatrician also gave the green light for solid foods of a more 'big people' nature, as well as to start replacing meals little by little. This means Alec gets nursed in the morning, then I take Apollo out. After that, I stick Alec into the highchair, stick a bib on him (actually, I think I need a full-body one for myself, too), and give him 'brekkie'. Mainly, it's mommy-milk (breastmilk for the uninitiated) that I've frozen into 1/2 ounce cubes; mixed with a little bit of cereal, and a pouch or jar of some sort of fruit. He loves bananas, mangos, apples, prunes and blueberries so far.
Dinner-time is his dinner. While Keith and I eat dinner, we give Alec some 'big people' food. This is the meal that's replaced a nursing. He LOVES Earth's Best chicken apple compote. He does NOT like beef with spinach (it's nasty). He absolutely loves the turkey cranberry made by Earth's Best. I think I'm going to try to just mixing some stuff.
We've tried keeping busy. My temp job is over with, as the trial started and there's nothing for me to do at this point. I loved it. I wish they would have offered me something permanent - but, unfortunately, there was no work for me. So, Alec and I try to stay busy. One day a week, we go to the library for story time, and Alec loves watching all the big kids play, and playing with whatever I hand him. He's so quiet and pensive sometimes. Other days, we try to have playdates with friends I've made who have babies around his age.
Speaking of babies his age, regardless of his chunks, Alec is so small! I look at my friends' babies who are his age, and they are huge compared to Smallness!
And speaking of babies, one of my best friends just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and I can't wait to meet her!
We decided it was time to begin sleep training Alec. He was beginning to wake up 5 times a night, and Keith and I were zombies. So, after a gigantic amount of research, we decided to do Dr. Ferber's method of progressive waiting. Let.me.tell.you. AMAZING. This man is amazing. The first few nights were horrendous. I mean, listening to your child crying at 3am while you sit there and count the minutes since you last went in to check on him? Heartwrenching. Keith could barely take it.
So Alec is now falling asleep by his very own self without being nursed to sleep. I nurse him, Keith tops him off with a bottle, and we change his diaper, and off to bed we go. He's drowsy, but awake. He knows his surroundings are changing. He will wake up about 7 hours later to eat again, so we feed him. The next few wakings are for about 3 to 5 minutes, and he manages to calm himself and fall back asleep. I'm so proud of him, and of ourselves for having the strength and determination to do it.
Oh. And he is sleeping in his crib, in his nursery now. I miss having my Smallness in the bassinet next to me at night, but we all get so much sleep.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
It's been a while...
Yup. It's definitely been a long time since I've posted. I think the last time I posted was around my birthday, back in January.
A lot has happened during this time.
1. I turned 30. And with that, a lot of thinking and soul searching transpired. Of course, I also got diagnosed with post-partum depression on my birthday. But with the beginning of a new era - oops, decade...I decided to make some changes. Realizing that I was slowly wasting my precious time "bumping", I stopped - pretty much cold turkey. I lurk ever so often, but the dynamics of the boards have changed so much, and I'm not sure I like it. Also, I was bumping all night long, while Keith watched tellie. Not good. I found myself bumping while nursing. Obviously a great way to pass the time when Alec is glued to my boobs, but when I allow it to take time away from housework while Alec is sleeping, that's no good! I also felt as though I was being sucked into this surreal world of women who I most likely will never meet, and who won't hesitate to stab you in the back in favour of someone else. I've seen it done.
2. I'm working. Yup. You read right. I'm actually working! Granted, it's a temp job, and will be over sooner than that I'd wish it for, but it's gotten me out of the house, Alec into daycare, and is basically putting my brain to use. I honestly felt a disconnect from my own self that I'd never felt before, so when the temp agency I had signed up for, called with an assignment, I jumped on it.
3. As you may have guessed from the above, Alec is FINALLY nursing like a pro! All of my hard work and struggles with dealing with the low milk supply and Alec not latching and/or wanting to nurse? They paid off.
Caveat to working? Alec won't nurse for the first few hours that I'm home from work, but he'll nurse at night. All night. Yup. All.night.long. He will wake up at midnight. He will wake up 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am and 5am. Sometimes he'll go a few hours, but lately he's been waking up quite a few times a night. It's driving us nuts! But when he wakes up in the morning, he's all smiles. So we love it. It makes it all better.
4. I had my first night out without Keith and Alec. Last week. Yup. It took me six (yes...6....SIX!!!) months to feel comfortable enough to do this. I went out to dinner with the BFF and her friends for her birthday, and I left Alec at home with daddy. They probably just had a blast. I had fun. I did miss Alec. It's tough enough to be away from him during the day. And I'm about to do it again tomorrow night, except Daddy is going out, too, so my mother in law is watching him. Not my first choice, but Keith asked her first.
5. I bought the Power90 workout videos. I've done it once.
6. I got my iPhone!
OK. No more numbers.
And last but not least, my other BFF is about t o give birth to Alec's future girlfriend any.day.now. We are so excited and can't wait to meet Sienna!
A lot has happened during this time.
1. I turned 30. And with that, a lot of thinking and soul searching transpired. Of course, I also got diagnosed with post-partum depression on my birthday. But with the beginning of a new era - oops, decade...I decided to make some changes. Realizing that I was slowly wasting my precious time "bumping", I stopped - pretty much cold turkey. I lurk ever so often, but the dynamics of the boards have changed so much, and I'm not sure I like it. Also, I was bumping all night long, while Keith watched tellie. Not good. I found myself bumping while nursing. Obviously a great way to pass the time when Alec is glued to my boobs, but when I allow it to take time away from housework while Alec is sleeping, that's no good! I also felt as though I was being sucked into this surreal world of women who I most likely will never meet, and who won't hesitate to stab you in the back in favour of someone else. I've seen it done.
2. I'm working. Yup. You read right. I'm actually working! Granted, it's a temp job, and will be over sooner than that I'd wish it for, but it's gotten me out of the house, Alec into daycare, and is basically putting my brain to use. I honestly felt a disconnect from my own self that I'd never felt before, so when the temp agency I had signed up for, called with an assignment, I jumped on it.
3. As you may have guessed from the above, Alec is FINALLY nursing like a pro! All of my hard work and struggles with dealing with the low milk supply and Alec not latching and/or wanting to nurse? They paid off.
Caveat to working? Alec won't nurse for the first few hours that I'm home from work, but he'll nurse at night. All night. Yup. All.night.long. He will wake up at midnight. He will wake up 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am and 5am. Sometimes he'll go a few hours, but lately he's been waking up quite a few times a night. It's driving us nuts! But when he wakes up in the morning, he's all smiles. So we love it. It makes it all better.
4. I had my first night out without Keith and Alec. Last week. Yup. It took me six (yes...6....SIX!!!) months to feel comfortable enough to do this. I went out to dinner with the BFF and her friends for her birthday, and I left Alec at home with daddy. They probably just had a blast. I had fun. I did miss Alec. It's tough enough to be away from him during the day. And I'm about to do it again tomorrow night, except Daddy is going out, too, so my mother in law is watching him. Not my first choice, but Keith asked her first.
5. I bought the Power90 workout videos. I've done it once.
6. I got my iPhone!
OK. No more numbers.
And last but not least, my other BFF is about t o give birth to Alec's future girlfriend any.day.now. We are so excited and can't wait to meet Sienna!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Saturday musings...
I don't really know what to talk about. I just know that after I posted my last entry, I felt so much better having let out some of my feelings.
Alec is taking one of his nice, long naps (I usually get one GOOD nap out of him per day), and Keith is out at the grocery store.
We had an odd week. My car decided to leave me (and Alec) stranded at the Babies 'R Us in Danbury (thank goodness it wasn't the Waterbury one!!). Keith came to the rescue, and then my best friend's husband came to rescue with tools. Turns out, it wasn't even the battery (duh...jumping it wasn't working!), but the starter. Yay. We paid more money to have it towed to the family mechanic's place, than to actually have the damn thing fixed. It cost us $160.00 to get the Jeep towed from Danbury to Seymour (roughly 23 miles), and it cost us $155.00 to get a new starter put in - labour included. Of course, this guy doesn't charge us storage fees, and gives us a really good break on the labour. Which is why we trust him to not gouge us with fees, and to do a good job.
Since the Jeep was out of commission from Saturday through Wednesday, I did go a bit stir-crazy. I went out, but very little. I had Keith's car Monday night, having gone to a job interview (no, I haven't heard anything), and Wednesday, my friend Dina came by for a little bit with her little girl; and we went to get the Jeep that night, and had dinner at my father in law's house. Thursday was a tough day. I really didn't want to do anything, after that horrible dream I had on Wednesday night. Yesterday, we had a busy day, Alec and I. We had a playdate with my friend Dina again, and then booked it to my physical (where I got two shots, ouchies!), and then to visit our other friend, Lindsay, to bring her some birthday cookies.
I guess it did feel good to externalize my feelings. Maybe that dream was a wake-up call that I needed to get myself out there.
This weekend, we're seeing two sets of dear friends, and during my down-time, I plan on looking for a playgroup or two in my area, as well as signing Keith and me for AAA. That tow job was highway robbery!
In more normal, and happier matters, Alec has his 4 month check-up on February 3. Where did time go? He's definitely getting bigger, catching up to all of his contemporaries (i.e. my Bumpie friends' babies). He fits into all of 0-3 clothing, as well as most of 3-6 months. I am totally addicted to cloth diapering. I'm so glad we made the decision to cloth diaper. Not only are they cute as hell on Alec's little butt, but we're not contributing to landfills anymore than we have to. I mean, we still use disposable diapers at night at this point, since we still need to get more hemp inserts, as well as more diapers that can do the 'night shift'. We also use disposables when out and about. We do, however, use the Earth's Best diapers, which are chlorine-free, so they're a bit better. On average, we use maybe 10 disposable diapers a week. Far better than the 50 we would be using. I will also be attempting to make some diapers. Yup. You heard me. MAKE the diapers....by sewing them...!
Anyway, I'm trying maintain some sanity here. Maybe keeping myself busy with some playdates, playgroup activities, and some sewing and knitting will help me stay busy. I mean, Keith is an amazing husband, and father. He is supportive, patient with me and awesome with Alec. I think there is only so much he can do, though....He has a lot on his plate. But that's a story for another post.
Alec is taking one of his nice, long naps (I usually get one GOOD nap out of him per day), and Keith is out at the grocery store.
We had an odd week. My car decided to leave me (and Alec) stranded at the Babies 'R Us in Danbury (thank goodness it wasn't the Waterbury one!!). Keith came to the rescue, and then my best friend's husband came to rescue with tools. Turns out, it wasn't even the battery (duh...jumping it wasn't working!), but the starter. Yay. We paid more money to have it towed to the family mechanic's place, than to actually have the damn thing fixed. It cost us $160.00 to get the Jeep towed from Danbury to Seymour (roughly 23 miles), and it cost us $155.00 to get a new starter put in - labour included. Of course, this guy doesn't charge us storage fees, and gives us a really good break on the labour. Which is why we trust him to not gouge us with fees, and to do a good job.
Since the Jeep was out of commission from Saturday through Wednesday, I did go a bit stir-crazy. I went out, but very little. I had Keith's car Monday night, having gone to a job interview (no, I haven't heard anything), and Wednesday, my friend Dina came by for a little bit with her little girl; and we went to get the Jeep that night, and had dinner at my father in law's house. Thursday was a tough day. I really didn't want to do anything, after that horrible dream I had on Wednesday night. Yesterday, we had a busy day, Alec and I. We had a playdate with my friend Dina again, and then booked it to my physical (where I got two shots, ouchies!), and then to visit our other friend, Lindsay, to bring her some birthday cookies.
I guess it did feel good to externalize my feelings. Maybe that dream was a wake-up call that I needed to get myself out there.
This weekend, we're seeing two sets of dear friends, and during my down-time, I plan on looking for a playgroup or two in my area, as well as signing Keith and me for AAA. That tow job was highway robbery!
In more normal, and happier matters, Alec has his 4 month check-up on February 3. Where did time go? He's definitely getting bigger, catching up to all of his contemporaries (i.e. my Bumpie friends' babies). He fits into all of 0-3 clothing, as well as most of 3-6 months. I am totally addicted to cloth diapering. I'm so glad we made the decision to cloth diaper. Not only are they cute as hell on Alec's little butt, but we're not contributing to landfills anymore than we have to. I mean, we still use disposable diapers at night at this point, since we still need to get more hemp inserts, as well as more diapers that can do the 'night shift'. We also use disposables when out and about. We do, however, use the Earth's Best diapers, which are chlorine-free, so they're a bit better. On average, we use maybe 10 disposable diapers a week. Far better than the 50 we would be using. I will also be attempting to make some diapers. Yup. You heard me. MAKE the diapers....by sewing them...!
Anyway, I'm trying maintain some sanity here. Maybe keeping myself busy with some playdates, playgroup activities, and some sewing and knitting will help me stay busy. I mean, Keith is an amazing husband, and father. He is supportive, patient with me and awesome with Alec. I think there is only so much he can do, though....He has a lot on his plate. But that's a story for another post.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I had a dream...
Last night, I dreamed a dream that was so disturbing, both in its content, as well as my own ability to dream up such madness. I think about it, and I begin to cry.
Now, lately, I've been having a rough time keeping up with life in general. It is tough with an infant, but I would never, ever, place my own child in harm's way. Never. I can't stress that enough [to myself]. This dream disturbed me so much that when Alec woke up for his nightly feeding at around 5:00a.m., this morning, I held him after he was done eating. I squeezed him as though it was the last time I was to be able to hold him. And I cried out of sheer fear.
Luckily, I had my yearly check-up this morning with my ob-gyn. I told him about my dream, and how I have had, in past few weeks, several dreams that were slightly disturbing in nature, such as the one I had last night. I am sure that I would have called for help had I not had this appointment today.
After I answered a few questions, he told me "Monica, I'm afraid you are an ideal example of post-partum depression (PPD), and I'd like you to contact a psychiatrist so that we can get you the therapy and medication you need."
This blew me away, I knew I have been hormonal - obviously...I had a baby almost 4 months ago, and my body and mind are still adapting. But I never realized that what I have been feeling were symptoms of depression.
I can't hold it in anymore at this point. I have tried so very hard to be the strong woman that Keith fell in love with; not to show how I feel, how isolated and lonely I feel 99% of the time and I struggle to maintain a happy face so he doesn't worry about me. I have to admit to myself, to Keith and to Alec, that I am not perfect, that I have my weak points and limitations as to what I can withstand as a human being.
This dream that I had last night, was so real, and so vivid; that when I first woke up, I bolted upright to make sure Alec was still safe and sound in his bassinet. I am still thinking of that image of opening a locker door, and finding my almost-4 month old lying face-down on the cold, hard floor of the locker, still crying, with tears running down his face, having been abandoned by me. I still can't believe that I would be capable of even just dreaming of placing my baby in a locker.
On one hand, I can't get the dream out of my head, but I am glad I had it on one hand. It made me realize that I had to talk to someone.
Never in my wildest dreams, would I have ever thought that new motherhood could be such a painful, isolating phase of my life. Throughout my pregnancy, I always imagined that it would come so easily to me. I sometimes feel as though I am failing miserably - hell, I can't even nurse my child adequately without taking a boatload of herbs and medication to help me lactate so that I can make almost enough milk. I never realized that I would feel so isolated from the world, so lonely most of the time. I barely know what day it is anymore, unless I look at the calendar, and although I have my dear friends whom I see on a semi-regular basis, Alec and I stay at home most of the time. I talk on the phone a lot to some of my friends, and this helps me somewhat, but something always suffers when I do that. Either the floors don't get swept, laundry doesn't get done, or the bed doesn't get made. Alec is always well taken care of, but sometimes I forget to shower and brush my teeth.
I love it when Keith has snow days from school, or when he's home, because I can feel human again, having another adult to talk to. I know he wants the best for me, for us, his family. I know he wants me to speak to somebody about how I feel...I'm proud of myself for admitting that I'm not made of steel, or invincible, and making an appointment to speak to a psychiatrist.
Now, lately, I've been having a rough time keeping up with life in general. It is tough with an infant, but I would never, ever, place my own child in harm's way. Never. I can't stress that enough [to myself]. This dream disturbed me so much that when Alec woke up for his nightly feeding at around 5:00a.m., this morning, I held him after he was done eating. I squeezed him as though it was the last time I was to be able to hold him. And I cried out of sheer fear.
Luckily, I had my yearly check-up this morning with my ob-gyn. I told him about my dream, and how I have had, in past few weeks, several dreams that were slightly disturbing in nature, such as the one I had last night. I am sure that I would have called for help had I not had this appointment today.
After I answered a few questions, he told me "Monica, I'm afraid you are an ideal example of post-partum depression (PPD), and I'd like you to contact a psychiatrist so that we can get you the therapy and medication you need."
This blew me away, I knew I have been hormonal - obviously...I had a baby almost 4 months ago, and my body and mind are still adapting. But I never realized that what I have been feeling were symptoms of depression.
I can't hold it in anymore at this point. I have tried so very hard to be the strong woman that Keith fell in love with; not to show how I feel, how isolated and lonely I feel 99% of the time and I struggle to maintain a happy face so he doesn't worry about me. I have to admit to myself, to Keith and to Alec, that I am not perfect, that I have my weak points and limitations as to what I can withstand as a human being.
This dream that I had last night, was so real, and so vivid; that when I first woke up, I bolted upright to make sure Alec was still safe and sound in his bassinet. I am still thinking of that image of opening a locker door, and finding my almost-4 month old lying face-down on the cold, hard floor of the locker, still crying, with tears running down his face, having been abandoned by me. I still can't believe that I would be capable of even just dreaming of placing my baby in a locker.
On one hand, I can't get the dream out of my head, but I am glad I had it on one hand. It made me realize that I had to talk to someone.
Never in my wildest dreams, would I have ever thought that new motherhood could be such a painful, isolating phase of my life. Throughout my pregnancy, I always imagined that it would come so easily to me. I sometimes feel as though I am failing miserably - hell, I can't even nurse my child adequately without taking a boatload of herbs and medication to help me lactate so that I can make almost enough milk. I never realized that I would feel so isolated from the world, so lonely most of the time. I barely know what day it is anymore, unless I look at the calendar, and although I have my dear friends whom I see on a semi-regular basis, Alec and I stay at home most of the time. I talk on the phone a lot to some of my friends, and this helps me somewhat, but something always suffers when I do that. Either the floors don't get swept, laundry doesn't get done, or the bed doesn't get made. Alec is always well taken care of, but sometimes I forget to shower and brush my teeth.
I love it when Keith has snow days from school, or when he's home, because I can feel human again, having another adult to talk to. I know he wants the best for me, for us, his family. I know he wants me to speak to somebody about how I feel...I'm proud of myself for admitting that I'm not made of steel, or invincible, and making an appointment to speak to a psychiatrist.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Dear 2010, I shall miss thee
It's January 3, 2011, and I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past year. It took one year to get pregnant and have a baby, lose a job, get married, and gain a larger family.
On February 9, 2010, I took a test to which the results were to be life-altering.
On April 26, 2010, I lost my job for [known] reasons still unknown to me.
On August 15, 2010, I married the person who completes me.
On September 30, 2010, I gave birth to the most beautiful, most perfect tiny human being I've ever had the grace of knowing.
It was a life-changing, name-changing and humbling year for me. For the better, of course. Although I can honestly say that a pregnant woman with no job, is a disaster waiting to happen. Asides from going on countless interviews, submitting hundreds of resumes and cover letters, and scouring the internet looking for a company who might hire a pregnant lady; I read, blogged and bumped a lot. I met a few women who have turned into some great friends. I read countless pregnancy books, watched hundreds of birthing videos, and basically...freaked myself out, as well as worry my now-hubby, with my 'fountain of knowledge', as I like to call it. Oh...and the stories of drama on The Bump.
When Keith and I found out that I was pregnant, our first reaction was "holy shit, what are we going to do?!" and "how the hell did this happen?" Well, we knew 'how' it happened...we were just stupified that it happened while on birth control. We went from debating on whether or not to get married, to deciding that we didn't care about what society considered 'normal', to saying we would tie the knot after the baby was born, to worrying about money and preparation, etc., etc.
Fast forward to April, when I lost my job. I'm still relatively sure that I was fired because I was pregnant, and new on the job (I had only started in October 2009). But...who knows? It sucked royally for the remainder of my pregnancy trying to find a job. I landed countless interviews, but as soon as they realized I was pregnant (how can you hide that?!?!), they would kind of shoo me and in and out, and not even call me back. We worried a bit about how we were going to survive on one income, but things have worked out - we just have to be careful.
In July, we decided that - or better yet, I decided for us - that this child was NOT going to come out into this world to an unmarried mother. I just decided that there was too much stigma surrounding an unwed mother, that Lentil (as he was then known as) was going to stay in my tummy until we were hitched. So we planned a smallish wedding for August. To this day, we're still dealing with a few upset friends and family who weren't invited and are now offended.
So, on August 15, 2010, Keith and I were married by a Justice of the Peace. My parents flew in from San Francisco and St. Louis, his parents and step-mom were there, as well as his sister, and step-siblings. I had my two best friends and their families. We also invited one of his aunts, and one of his uncles. It was a perfect day, with the exception of the humidity.
Fast forward to September. My [surprise] baby shower was on September 19th. My best friend put it together with my mother-in-law and step-mother-in-law. I think my mum had a hand in it, too - but unfortunately couldn't make it. She had already come here to visit back in June, and then again for the wedding, and knew she wanted to come when Lentil arrived. I was beginning to freak out, because I didn't know about the shower, and knew Lentil's due date was fast approaching. Little did we know...little did we know.
A week after the shower, I was induced. Lentil was born on September 30, 2010 at 6:19 a.m. Alec Keith Maciog was born 3 weeks early via induction due to 3 factors: (a) almost no fluid in my amniotic sac, (b) poor circulation through his cord, and (c) smallish measurements. It took our OB thinking that my tummy was measuring small and ordering an ultrasound to find this out. I thank my stars every day for this. Had he not seen this, the technician wouldn't have seen it, we would not have been sent to labour and delivery and then sent to a perinatologist for an in-depth ultrasound.
My induction took 36 hours. As soon as I realized I was being induced, I realized I was not going to be able to go med-free. To be honest, I had no clue what I was up against, and I was more worried about having to undergo a C-section, then begging for an epidural...which I did. With contractions coming one minute apart, and peaking off the monitor, for about 4 hours, I realized I couldn't do it. I was shaking when I screamed for an epidural, and the anesthesiologist was in my room within 20 minutes.
Alec was born 9 hours later. No C-section needed. I thank the hospital staff for handling my labour so perfectly. I went in at 37 weeks gestation, without a single iota of progression towards natural delivery. I was not favourable, and in fact, the OB later told me he was worried I would end up in a section. Yay for me!
When people tell you that motherhood is the toughest job in the world, they're not joking.
Alec is 3 months old. I have just gone through the most humbling experience of my life. I have had to depend on Keith as my rock, my shoulder to cry on. I have held my child in arms, trying to make him stop crying. I have struggled with breastfeeding. I'm still struggling. Each day gets better, and Alec is more patient with my low supply. We still supplement, and I have a feeling we always will.
I look at Alec, and I see myself, as well as Keith. I see yesterday, today and tomorrow in his eyes. I see this tiny little human being, someone Keith and I created....from scratch! How can a few cells grow into something so perfect?
Every day, Alec learns something new. Or we learn something new. He is a morning baby. He wakes me up in the mornings by cooing and talking to himself from inside his bassinet...which is still next to my side of the bed. We're all set up for him to go in his crib in his nursery - but yet I can't bring myself to do that just yet. He recently just started raising his arms when he knows he's going to be picked up. I love that. He smiles when we talk to him.
My body is not back to normal yet. I can fit into a few pairs of jeans, but I have to use a hair-band to hold them up. I can't wait to start running again. I would love to be able to wear my clothes normally...my boobs got bigger about a month ago, I think when my milk supply went up a little bit. So my shirts are definitely too short right now. But hey, I live in yoga pants and t-shirts.
Now...if only I can stop buying all these cloth diapers, we'll be good.
2010 also brought some loss to a few people I care a lot about. A dear 'bumpie' friend of mine gave birth to a stillborn at 37 weeks. Another dear person lost her baby at 15 weeks gestation. Someone else I hold dear to my heart almost left her newborn son without a mommy right after delivery.
So, my resolution for this New Year, is absolutely no resolution. It's to live life one day at a time, and enjoy Alec while he's still small.
On February 9, 2010, I took a test to which the results were to be life-altering.
On April 26, 2010, I lost my job for [known] reasons still unknown to me.
On August 15, 2010, I married the person who completes me.
On September 30, 2010, I gave birth to the most beautiful, most perfect tiny human being I've ever had the grace of knowing.
It was a life-changing, name-changing and humbling year for me. For the better, of course. Although I can honestly say that a pregnant woman with no job, is a disaster waiting to happen. Asides from going on countless interviews, submitting hundreds of resumes and cover letters, and scouring the internet looking for a company who might hire a pregnant lady; I read, blogged and bumped a lot. I met a few women who have turned into some great friends. I read countless pregnancy books, watched hundreds of birthing videos, and basically...freaked myself out, as well as worry my now-hubby, with my 'fountain of knowledge', as I like to call it. Oh...and the stories of drama on The Bump.
When Keith and I found out that I was pregnant, our first reaction was "holy shit, what are we going to do?!" and "how the hell did this happen?" Well, we knew 'how' it happened...we were just stupified that it happened while on birth control. We went from debating on whether or not to get married, to deciding that we didn't care about what society considered 'normal', to saying we would tie the knot after the baby was born, to worrying about money and preparation, etc., etc.
Fast forward to April, when I lost my job. I'm still relatively sure that I was fired because I was pregnant, and new on the job (I had only started in October 2009). But...who knows? It sucked royally for the remainder of my pregnancy trying to find a job. I landed countless interviews, but as soon as they realized I was pregnant (how can you hide that?!?!), they would kind of shoo me and in and out, and not even call me back. We worried a bit about how we were going to survive on one income, but things have worked out - we just have to be careful.
In July, we decided that - or better yet, I decided for us - that this child was NOT going to come out into this world to an unmarried mother. I just decided that there was too much stigma surrounding an unwed mother, that Lentil (as he was then known as) was going to stay in my tummy until we were hitched. So we planned a smallish wedding for August. To this day, we're still dealing with a few upset friends and family who weren't invited and are now offended.
So, on August 15, 2010, Keith and I were married by a Justice of the Peace. My parents flew in from San Francisco and St. Louis, his parents and step-mom were there, as well as his sister, and step-siblings. I had my two best friends and their families. We also invited one of his aunts, and one of his uncles. It was a perfect day, with the exception of the humidity.
Fast forward to September. My [surprise] baby shower was on September 19th. My best friend put it together with my mother-in-law and step-mother-in-law. I think my mum had a hand in it, too - but unfortunately couldn't make it. She had already come here to visit back in June, and then again for the wedding, and knew she wanted to come when Lentil arrived. I was beginning to freak out, because I didn't know about the shower, and knew Lentil's due date was fast approaching. Little did we know...little did we know.
A week after the shower, I was induced. Lentil was born on September 30, 2010 at 6:19 a.m. Alec Keith Maciog was born 3 weeks early via induction due to 3 factors: (a) almost no fluid in my amniotic sac, (b) poor circulation through his cord, and (c) smallish measurements. It took our OB thinking that my tummy was measuring small and ordering an ultrasound to find this out. I thank my stars every day for this. Had he not seen this, the technician wouldn't have seen it, we would not have been sent to labour and delivery and then sent to a perinatologist for an in-depth ultrasound.
My induction took 36 hours. As soon as I realized I was being induced, I realized I was not going to be able to go med-free. To be honest, I had no clue what I was up against, and I was more worried about having to undergo a C-section, then begging for an epidural...which I did. With contractions coming one minute apart, and peaking off the monitor, for about 4 hours, I realized I couldn't do it. I was shaking when I screamed for an epidural, and the anesthesiologist was in my room within 20 minutes.
Alec was born 9 hours later. No C-section needed. I thank the hospital staff for handling my labour so perfectly. I went in at 37 weeks gestation, without a single iota of progression towards natural delivery. I was not favourable, and in fact, the OB later told me he was worried I would end up in a section. Yay for me!
When people tell you that motherhood is the toughest job in the world, they're not joking.
Alec is 3 months old. I have just gone through the most humbling experience of my life. I have had to depend on Keith as my rock, my shoulder to cry on. I have held my child in arms, trying to make him stop crying. I have struggled with breastfeeding. I'm still struggling. Each day gets better, and Alec is more patient with my low supply. We still supplement, and I have a feeling we always will.
I look at Alec, and I see myself, as well as Keith. I see yesterday, today and tomorrow in his eyes. I see this tiny little human being, someone Keith and I created....from scratch! How can a few cells grow into something so perfect?
Every day, Alec learns something new. Or we learn something new. He is a morning baby. He wakes me up in the mornings by cooing and talking to himself from inside his bassinet...which is still next to my side of the bed. We're all set up for him to go in his crib in his nursery - but yet I can't bring myself to do that just yet. He recently just started raising his arms when he knows he's going to be picked up. I love that. He smiles when we talk to him.
My body is not back to normal yet. I can fit into a few pairs of jeans, but I have to use a hair-band to hold them up. I can't wait to start running again. I would love to be able to wear my clothes normally...my boobs got bigger about a month ago, I think when my milk supply went up a little bit. So my shirts are definitely too short right now. But hey, I live in yoga pants and t-shirts.
Now...if only I can stop buying all these cloth diapers, we'll be good.
2010 also brought some loss to a few people I care a lot about. A dear 'bumpie' friend of mine gave birth to a stillborn at 37 weeks. Another dear person lost her baby at 15 weeks gestation. Someone else I hold dear to my heart almost left her newborn son without a mommy right after delivery.
So, my resolution for this New Year, is absolutely no resolution. It's to live life one day at a time, and enjoy Alec while he's still small.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Random thoughts
Alec is almost 6 weeks old.
I have finally come to the realization that I'm a stubborn ass. Ass as in donkey sense of the word. Sometimes, being stubborn has served me well, and has helped me accomplish things that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. But other times....well...
I *just* called the lactation consultant at the hospital today. I explained that although I have been pumping steadily every 3 hours or so since the first week, my milk supply still leaves A LOT to be desired. By the end of the day, I'm lucky if I can collect a whopping total of 2.5 ounces from both breasts. Alec has only been latching successfully for about 2 weeks now, so he does get nursed (usually) before every feeding with formula. Unless we're out of the house, or when people are over at our house. What can I say? I am a new mum, and very shy and a little on the insecure side about mine and Alec's ability to nurse properly. Even with my mum in town, it was tough for me, as at that point, Alec still wasn't latching without the aid of a nipple shield.
After telling all of this to the Consultant, she basically just let me know that unfortunately, I am just stuck with a low milk supply. But she said to stick with the pumping because then I will give Alec whatever little breastmilk I can. What I can't fathom, is how in the world am I going to keep doing this, without losing my mind!? It's already starting to take a toll on me. I hate it that I can't provide nourishment to my child. I actually can't stand it. I asked her about Reglan (booster for milk supply), and she said that in my case, it wouldn't work.
Anyway...so that's my bitchfest for the week.
In happier news, we had Alec's one month check-up last Wednesday. Our Royal Tininess is no longer so tiny! He weighed in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces (remember, he was born weighing 5 pounds), and is now measuring 20 inches long. Alec changes and grows every passing day. He's now outgrowing some of his newborn-sized clothes....eeek! He eats really well, and is essentially a nice and chill baby.
I have finally come to the realization that I'm a stubborn ass. Ass as in donkey sense of the word. Sometimes, being stubborn has served me well, and has helped me accomplish things that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. But other times....well...
I *just* called the lactation consultant at the hospital today. I explained that although I have been pumping steadily every 3 hours or so since the first week, my milk supply still leaves A LOT to be desired. By the end of the day, I'm lucky if I can collect a whopping total of 2.5 ounces from both breasts. Alec has only been latching successfully for about 2 weeks now, so he does get nursed (usually) before every feeding with formula. Unless we're out of the house, or when people are over at our house. What can I say? I am a new mum, and very shy and a little on the insecure side about mine and Alec's ability to nurse properly. Even with my mum in town, it was tough for me, as at that point, Alec still wasn't latching without the aid of a nipple shield.
After telling all of this to the Consultant, she basically just let me know that unfortunately, I am just stuck with a low milk supply. But she said to stick with the pumping because then I will give Alec whatever little breastmilk I can. What I can't fathom, is how in the world am I going to keep doing this, without losing my mind!? It's already starting to take a toll on me. I hate it that I can't provide nourishment to my child. I actually can't stand it. I asked her about Reglan (booster for milk supply), and she said that in my case, it wouldn't work.
Anyway...so that's my bitchfest for the week.
In happier news, we had Alec's one month check-up last Wednesday. Our Royal Tininess is no longer so tiny! He weighed in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces (remember, he was born weighing 5 pounds), and is now measuring 20 inches long. Alec changes and grows every passing day. He's now outgrowing some of his newborn-sized clothes....eeek! He eats really well, and is essentially a nice and chill baby.
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