Life's downers

Ok. So Keith and I should be pretty happy with where we are in life, right? I mean, we just bought our first home, our marriage, while not perfect (and if you say yours is, you're a lying liar), is pretty great; we have an awesome kid, are getting ready to place the order for Number Two. Our house is in chaos, but we knew it would be. Work is good. We both have good, solid jobs, good benefits, etc. We see FIL and stepMIL every weekend, and MIL maybe once a week. Alec is total Papa's boy; he loves his grandpa.
Life is good. We've worked our asses off to get to this point.
But there is still a pretty big bone of contention in our lives, and it's one that we both try not to speak of, but yet it's constantly underlying.
We have not spoken to Keith's sister or her husband since mid-January. We haven't seen our niece since then, either. Keith tried speaking to his sister a few weeks ago, but it ended poorly. Apparently, the problem is me. I'm the devil, simply because I speak my mind, and have my own opinions. Yes, I am opinionated. Yes, I want what's right for our family, and will also stop at nothing to attain a dream. So this makes me a horrible and manipulative person, who's turned her husband against his sister.
At this point, the original 'crime' isn't worth going into. At this point, it isn't worth going into what the problem escalated to. Because it's not pretty or pleasant. I was threatened, and then called a f@cking bitch, blamed for anything and everything, and told that an entire family hates me and that everyone "can see through me and my bull".
What I don't understand is how someone can be so narrow-minded that she will be downright abusive to anyone who doesn't agree with her. I don't understand how someone can be so spoiled and self-centered that it's deemed ok to spew nasty and hateful words towards someone, yet not expect to get it back.
This entire ordeal has eaten us alive. During a time that we should be happy, we know that we can't count on Keith's sister, and this kills a lot of it for us. The parents have to divide their time, plan around schedules, choose sides. Because Keith's dad was told on his birthday that if we were there, they would not be there. It's heartbreaking.
And then there's the constant calls made to the parents. My mother in law actually took it upon herself to tell me that "I need to learn my lesson about her daughter". This was in a league of it's own. What lesson is there to learn?
I can come up with a few different lessons learned. And they're not nice.
For those who know me, as well as those who don't; I pride myself on trying to make educated and informed decisions. I try to lead my child by example. I treat others as I would like to be treated. This is me. It works for our family, both individually and as a unit. If you disagree with me, I will always respect your position, and not hold it against you. For I am not you, and you are not me. I don't beat around the bush, and I don't mince words. I have my opinions, and so do you. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all agreed on everything, right?
And who knows? It's been known to happen that we learn something new from people on a daily basis.
This is my point.

Little tidbits

A few things have been going on in what I have lovingly dubbed House of Napalm. The first is that, despite the fact we have lived in our new home for two months, the place still looks like disaster struck. Work has been at a standstill for a little over a month, and we've started getting fed up with the lack of progress. I finally had to have a heart-to-heart with our contractor; who had to take on a few other jobs in order to pay his workers. Note to self: don't get another 203k loan. It's tough enough to do work on a house you live in, without adding into the equation all the costs of materials and labour. Also, everything we touch turns into WWIII. Not fun.
We've had issues varying from what to do with the lack of clearance for the new basement stairs, to my clear typo in writing down kitchen measurements (a mistake that cost us an extra $800.00). Our counters are taking forever because nobody approved the final template until I called and raised hell. They will finally be installed on the 29th. At this point, we will finally be able to cook a homemade meal that doesn't involve using the microwave. Andplusalso, eating the kind of crap that can be cooked in the microwave is both costly and gross.
We have a mold issue in the master bedroom. The three of us are room sharing. Nobody sleeps as a result. Luckily, we've gone to nobody calling us back regarding our inquiries on this, to a company actually scheduling an inspection (for free!).
Our belongings are still packed away in the garage.
Hopefully, we will be able to unpack some stuff once the kitchen is fully done.

On other matters.

Keith and I have decided that we can't let this hold us back on family planning. My IUD was removed earlier this week, and we will start trying to make a baby in August. Shooting for a June baby - no pun intended. This way, Keith will be home during the majority of my maternity leave, and this shall make matters easier.

Alec loves his new daycare. Loves. He's one of five boys, so logically, he's becoming quite rough and tumbly! He is, however, struggling with sharing. Oh well. He's only 20 months old.

Seriously. Alec is definitely starting to blossom. He has a new word everyday, and has become a little chatterbox with his 'Russian'.

I'm still nursing Alec. This, in and of itself, is a feat. One that I'm happy about, as well as proud of. With my early struggles, I don't see the point in weaning him forcefully. Let him do it on his own accord. He will most likely wean while I'm pregnant anyway.

This is my first post in a long time. But, I will try to post more often.

What's new?

So yeah.

Um.

I made a promise to myself that I'd try to write an entry a week. It's not as easy as it once was. But, here goes.

A few months ago, actually, in mid-December, I was at a routine visit with my doctor, when I happened to ask him if he knew which vitamin and/or mineral deficiencies caused what. My nail-beds were getting ucky, and my nail-moons were non-existant. He mentioned a lot of women suffer thyroid problems post-pregnancy, and that he would send out bloodwork.

About a week later, his office called me, saying that my thyroid levels were pretty high. I got sent to an endocrinologist, and for a thyroid ultrasound. Fun times.

I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease, and was placed on Methimazole. My eye doctor told me my eyes' diameter had increased. Yay. One of the side effects of this, is that your eyes bulge out. Pleasant, right?

I'm not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg. Since that initial order for bloodwork in December, I've lost about 30 pounds. Drastically. Despite being on medication now, I'm still losing weight at about 3-4 pounds a week. It's great that my pre-pregnancy pants now fit me again, but it's definitely not fun having to take a medication every.single.day.

What else is new?

The hubby's birthday was this past Monday. We went to a really nice steak house, and brought Alec with us. We love going out with him, since he's so good. Strangers will randomly walk up to our table, commenting on how much of a good little boy he is. So, Monday night was no different. Keith ordered some escargot for his appetizer, while I had some French onion soup...it was delicious! Alec decided to eat about half of Keith's escargot. I mean, I don't even eat it...how the heck can I expect a 1.5 year old to eat it - and LIKE it??? I guess this proves that he's a really good eater...or at the very least that he's a piglet.

Alec is a little piglet. And, he also likes to drink Apollo's water.

Little updates

Time flies. Especially when you're having a blast.

I think my last blog entry was about two or three months ago, and in this post, I lamented the state of the world. I still lament it. But I've learned that there are things that are so completely out of my control, and although it still bothers me, I can't let it really GET to me.

I have enough problems of my own, to worry about other people's problems.

But, I digress.

Alec is getting big. He will always be my Smallness, but he's definitely growing and developing, as he should be. At his 15 month appointment, Alec weighed 21 pounds, and was a bit over 28 inches tall. He is healthy, intelligent, funny and is just all around AWESOME.

At 17 months, Alec is doing the following:

1. He tortures the dog. He loves the dog. He pees on the poor dog. The dog takes it, because Alec feeds him from the table.
2. Walking/running from Point A to Point B.
3. Plays with the dog bowls. If Apollo is eating, Alec is sitting right there next to him, splashing around in the water bowl. I let him do it because Apollo doesn't mind it (not food aggressive), and because it seems like a senseless thing to fight him on.
4. Knows how to use the control remote, turn off/on the cable box, and 'talk' into a phone (it might also be the control remote).
5. Dances. Man, oh man, this boy has moves! The second he hears music, he shakes his little butt.
6. Talks. A LOT. Mainly, he talks to the dog, but he will talk to anyone who listens. I think the kid speaks Russian.
7. Breastfeeds. Still. A feat that I'm both proud of, and happy to do.

As for daycare, Alec loves it. The second we walk through the door at daycare in the morning, Mummie becomes chopped liver. I have to chase him down, grab him, and squeeze him very fast before he squiggles out of my arms. It makes me sad, but I realize that he truly loves it there, so the Mummie Guilt of having to work isn't as bad. Of course, I feel bad that I'm not there witnessing many of his 'firsts', but it's for the better. If it weren't for my job, we wouldn't be putting money into savings, we wouldn't be able to buy a house, and we surely would be slaves to penny-pinching.

We are buying a house. We're supposed to close on March 23rd, and we are so excited. The house is a major fixer-upper, having been vacant and bank-owned for at least a year, but...we got it for an amazing price, and it's in a great town. The schools are great, and we'll be back closer to my old stomping grounds - which makes me happy.

I will try to make time to blog more often. I miss it, and I truly enjoy having this outlet.

And? Here is Alec, in all his dog-bowl-splashing glory:

Why oh why

Every time I turn on the news, there is some other horrendous story about a baby, a child, or a mother.

I seriously don't get it. Is it because I am a mum now, that the news just gets to me more? Or is it that crime and violence is on the rise?

I'm not a pro at statistics. Neither am I a pro at guessing what drives things such as violence and crime. But it seriously seems to me that horrible things are happening more frequently. Is it that people are desperate?

I work right down the street from the New Haven, Connecticut, court house. Penalty phase will be beginning next Tuesday in the trial of Joshua Komisarjevsky. The second and last defendant in the Hawke-Petit arson/triple murder case. Obviously, the headlines have been packed with case information, and the news trucks and vans have been camped out on our street for quite some time. To the uninitiated, the Hawke-Petit case is where two guys, Joshua Komisarjevsky and Steven Hayes, broke into a home in Cheshire, Connecticut. They raped and murdered the mother, and the two teenage daughters. The father was beaten almost to death and tied up in the basement until he was able to escape. Then they torched the house. I couldn't even begin to imagine how Mr. Petit feels. His wife and daughters are gone.

I think it's one thing to lose a loved one due to illness or disease, or even to some sort of accident. At least one has some sort of closure. But when you lose someone you love to violence - of any sort - there is no closure. Sure, you can sometimes find out what and how it happened, but you don't know the biggest question of them all: WHY. There is no rhyme or reason to why some people do the things they do.

The other day, there was a story about a lady who chose her unborn child's life over hers. When she was four months pregnant, she was diagnosed with neck and brain cancer. Horrible. Yes. But to chose not to undergo treatment for it (it would have been dangerous to the fetus), knowing that she would die soon, leaving her child parentless, is extremely selfish. I understand the want and the need to have a child, but if it means your child could potentially be left without a parent (the father is not in the picture), then you're a selfish bitch. I'm sorry. That is how I feel. That child will never know her mother, and is being raised by this lady's brother - who already has six children.

Then there is the 10-month old baby, Lisa, who is missing in Missouri. The parents surely have something to do with it. You don't go out and hire the same attorney who represents Joran Van Der Sloot regarding the Natalie Holloway case to represent you if you're not guilty. It's like hiring Johny Cochran when you're not guilty of slaying your ex-wife and her lover.

Then there was the little toddler in China who was run over. Multiple times. And nobody stopped to help her as she lay dying in the middle of a busy marketplace. This one, though, is reminiscent of that time in Hartford, Connecticut, when an old man was hit, and nobody stopped to help. This was all caught on surveillance camera, of course. People just don't care. Period. I think it's a fear of getting involved, as well as just a life philosophy of 'live and let live'. Unfortunately, this old man in Hartford died as a result of his injuries. The little toddler in China, however, is struggling to stay alive (note: as of my last Google search).

Since I work during the day, I come home at night and hold Alec until he tries to shimmy his way out of my arms. I look at him, and I think to myself that Keith and I have created the most beautiful, perfect little human being. I look at him, and ask myself who in their right mind would harm something so small, so peaceful and so full of life? But then I realize that there is no rhyme or reason to they way some people behave.

I know that I cannot and will not be able to shield Alec from everything in life. After all, he has to learn. Of course, he will know that he is loved unconditionally by both Keith and myself. But he will learn that even if he fails, it will make him stronger, and a better person. I can only hope that we can shield him from any dangers life may present to him along the way.

It's been a while...

It's been a long time since I've posted. I think the last time was for Mothers' Day.

Onwards.

There are rumours going around that Alec is going to be ONE the day after tomorrow.

I don't think they're true - Alec is still my Royal Tininess, and weighs 5 pounds.

OK. I lie. Yes, he's going to be one. I'm not exactly sure how much he's grown in the past year, but I can say that when he was 9 months old, he was weighing 17lbs12oz, and was measuring 27 inches. I'm estimating that's weighing about 20 or 21 pounds, maybe 30 inches. His Well Baby one-year appointment is on October 18th.

Here's the exciting part. Alec is now crawling around. I mean, errr...speed-crawling. He loves to 'chase' me all over the apartment, and he looks for Apollo. It's adorable...until he decides to pull Apollo's tail, ears and/or hair. Apollo isn't a big fan of it - he just gets up and walks away. Alec is cruising around the furniture, and pulling himself up on anything that will support him - or not. That's when he falls and hits his head....IN THE VERY SAME SPOT EVERY TIME. He has a perpetual bruise on the right side of his forehead.

The Smallness has 5 teeth. Two on the bottom, and 3 on the top. He now bites feet.

Another milestone: Alec fell out of our bed for the first time. EVER. He was nursing in bed (because we all know it's easier than actually waking up and sitting on the couch in the nursery), we both happened to fall asleep. I woke up when I felt him moving, and then BOOM! And then scream. Needless to say, I still feel horrible.

Oh. Speaking of nursing.

We're still going strong. After the battles I went through with getting Alec to latch, and then with my supply issues, Alec still enjoys nursing, and I love it, too. I figure I'll stop when he pushes me away - maybe through college?

I kid. I kid. I guess he'll wean himself little by little. When he does, though, it will make me a sad pickle. It's such a beautiful, easy and convenient way to feed him. I love our bonding time, and he likes being so close to mommy.

I've been back in the workforce now since June. I am enjoying working, being around other adults and feeling as though I'm contributing something to our household. Not to mention that my salary pays for daycare, as well putting money into savings so we can buy a house sometime in the near future.

The hubby has promised me that when we have a certain amount of money in savings, then we can start looking at houses. I can't wait! I told him I have two requirements: Central Air and a big kitchen. I'd love to have at least 3 bedrooms. I would like to have a large porch or a decent yard to be able sit and entertain outside. Apollo needs a good-sized yard. I'd also like to have 2 more kids, so 3-4 bedrooms is a must. Keith, on the other hand, only thinks about the size of the lot - he wants at least an acre. Oh well. He would do the yard work anyway.

Anyway, back to work, and I'll try to post more often.

Starting Tomorrow....

...I become an official Working Mum.

50% of the time, I'm excited that I'll be able to use my brain before it turns completely into mush. The other 50% of the time, I'm dreading taking Alec to daycare, and missing out on the many, many milestones he's starting to hit these days....one after another.

Oh - and before I forget - I have an 8-month old...as of yesterday!

A few things have gone down in the past few weeks: we now have a peepee-toucher. He touches himself with glee at every diaper change, and pulls it - HARD. It makes me wonder if he's numb down there. Alec can now say "Dada" very well, thankyouverymuch. Ever so often, he says "Mama", but most of the time, he babbles on and on about "Dada" and "A-dah". I think he's trying to say "a doggie", since he absolutely frigging adores Apollo. He also loves standing on his feet, and 'walking', while we hold his hands. Both Keith and I think he's going to skip crawling, and just start walking at some point - he despises tummy-time with a passion (still), and as soon as you stick him on his tummy, he rolls onto his back. Oh well. I've read in my countless books that crawling is something that so many babies don't do, that the AAP has actually taken it out of the "List of Milestones". I could honestly care less whether or not he crawls. If he does, awesome. If he doesn't, and he just goes into walking or creeping, awesome. One way or the other, as long as he becomes mobile, Keith and I are happy.

I have had an awesome almost-eight months here at home with Alec. I've done my very best to give him the love and bond with him over this time. With the exception of a temp job I took a few months ago that lasted a month, I have spent every waking minute with Alec. I've loved it. There have been happy times, not-so-happy times, and downright stressful times...especially when I realized that I was suffering from post-partum depression.

For those of you in the know, I was also home, not working, since I was about 4 months pregnant. I spent my entire pregnancy doing pregnancy and baby-related research. Even our pediatrician is amazed by what I've learned and everything.

But? It's time for this mummie to go back into the workplace. The timing works out pretty well, also; Alec will go to his daycare (which I LOVE...and he adores!) until June 23rd, until which time Keith will get out on summer holiday, which will be nice for him. He will now witness the milestones Alec hits over the summer, and will be able to tell me all about them when I come home from work. Haha...and he'll also realize that being Mr. Mom isn't the easiest thing in the world.

The saddest part of going back to work is the fact that Alec won't be nursing during the day anymore. I'll have to pump at work at least 3 times a day to maintain my supply, and Alec will nurse at night. I feel as though we've finally gotten to a point in my 'nursing career', that my supply has leveled out some, and we both love nursing. I just hope it stays this way until Alec pushes the boob away.

Alec has also just had his very first cold. Ahhh...milestones.

So...as of June 1, 2011, this mummie will be a working mummie. Exciting times, no?

At the very least, I'll be around adults. For so long, I've kind of been a bit a hermit, going out ever so often to meet up with friends, a few of them coming over here - but the majority of the time, I've stayed home alone with Alec and Apollo. Having tried time and time again to get my sister in law involved, I've officially given up. My mother in law has been working for quite some time, and I obviously have no family in the area. Maybe being surrounded by other adults, and using my brain will help me fight this battle that post-partum depression has been. The other plus side to me working, is that we'll be able to put money in savings again. I'd REALLY like to build our home. I mean...really like to. I feel as though the market has yet to bottom out, and we're holding out for something we both really love, at a price we can afford. Or build something that would be the equivalent to the home of our dreams - a home we can call home, the place where our children will be raised, and will come to visit us in after they move out and we're both old and decrepit. Regardless of whether we build or buy, it will be our nest egg for our future, and for our children.